Is it Your Soulmate, or Your Dysfunction in Disguise?

I often hear of people saying that they have met their soulmate.

They fall very quickly for this special someone, and a whirlwind of adoration and love soon follows.

But is it really love?

What if it was dysfunction in disguise?

What if what draws two people together so quickly and so powerfully was unhealed patterns, dysfunction, trauma, and old emotional resonance of not feeling worthy or lovable?

Can some people find their perfect soulmate partners?

Absolutely!

But what I've observed, that's far more common, is that two people's unreconciled baggage bonds them together, at least for a time.

It can be a very natural coping mechanism to distract ourselves from our unhelpful patterns and our emotional pain, by connecting with a soulmate.

We may not even have a conscious awareness of our unhelpful patterns or emotions.

I remember someone telling me years ago, that if you have an instant strong soulmate attraction towards someone to run like the wind, because it likely represents dysfunction in disguise.

I have found that to be mostly true.

When I first met my husband there definitely wasn't an instant attraction, in fact I was mostly annoyed with him and wanted him to leave me alone.

He was persistent and was a really nice person so we eventually started a relationship.

Although we formed it too quickly due to my old patterns, I was still given time to come to know and respect him as a person, and vice-versa.

I was used to "soulmate" types of relationships, so I initially found my relationship with my husband to be quite boring.

There was no overt love in the air, and I wasn't dealing with my "normal" drama that I had been used to experiencing in past relationships.

We began our journey together in partnership, and boy was he in for a surprise, because unbeknownst to him, I arrived with truckloads of baggage to work through, which in turn affected him and our marriage.

30 years later and we are each our own soulmate, through hard work, compromise, and perseverance, and we share our independent lives together.

I've worked with so many people, helping them with their relationships, and I've been witness to the "soulmate" pattern in action, and I've been witness to the aftermath as well.

Being strongly attracted to someone is almost like an addiction, and it can alert you that there may be inner work to be done.

I have seen my fair share of dysfunction in the past. In fact, I used to be the queen of dysfunction due to the past sexual abuse I experienced, my past feelings of unworthiness, and I had a core unconscious belief that I wasn't lovable.

I would quickly bond with men in relationships due to unhealed emotional resonance and false core beliefs about myself.

I want you to know that you can become your own soulmate - in fact it’s necessary for your own personal and spiritual growth.

Did you know that there is an inherent problem with the notion of a soulmate?

When you assign your partner the label of soulmate, you set up an unrealistic expectation within the relationship.

When real life happens, or your soulmate begins to exhibit flaws, as all humans do, the unrealistic expectation of romance and a shared life path become challenged, and typically, very soon afterwards, the relationship begins to crumble.

When you become your own soulmate, you step into your own strength.

You begin a healthy relationship with yourself, which in turn allows you to be in a healthy relationship with someone else.

Everyone wants to be loved, and no one wants to be lonely. Start by working on the relationship with yourself, and the rest will fall in line.

So, the next time you feel that crazy strong pull towards someone, take a step back and see what emotions are underneath those initial feelings.

Have you been feeling lonely, sad, or anxious? Have you been doubting your ability to be loved? What is your relationship like with yourself?

Do you need to be needed? Do you need to be validated by someone else in order to feel worthy or lovable?

And what of the spiritual nature of a soulmate? Is it true that we can pair with a soulmate from a spiritual point of view?

This is a slippery slope.

In my practice, I've done more hypnotic past life regressions than I can count. My clients would experience many lifetimes where they would come together again with partners that were from times past.

That doesn't necessarily mean they should pair in this lifetime, and in some ways, it can act as spiritual bypass, because we are meant to focus on the life we are in at this time.

In the same way that the strong pull towards a soulmate can act as a distraction to unhealed, unhelpful patterns or emotions, focusing on past life connections does the same thing.

Remember, you can be your own soulmate.

To your aspirations and dreams,

Amunet

Let me know in the comments how you feel about the idea of soul mates, and if you’ve ever felt like you found yours.

Cheap & Easy, Like Ramen Noodles

Personal development is hard. It takes time and effort to do the necessary work on yourself to become a better person.

Enter the fast food mentality.

It’s cheap and easy to say you want to change, but it’s an entirely different thing to put in the work to change.

If you want to transcend your personal problems, it will require new skills, beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors.

It requires true commitment and a real sense of urgency.

It means you’ll look at your life and the people in it to determine if they lift you up or drag you down.

It means you’ll be honest with yourself about where you’re, and where you want to be. But more importantly, committing to doing what you’ll need to do to get there.

This spills over into all areas of your life - relationships, career, finances, etc.

It requires a certain amount of effort to become successful.

And there are “experts” out there who would have you believe otherwise.

They’ll give you their "secrets", sprinkled with easy answers that will keep you distracted and spinning in circles for years, sometimes decades.

You’ll work on yourself, doing what you’ve been taught, but you may find yourself close to where you began.

That’s because meaningful change requires depth. It’s not enough to sit at the surface and stick your toe in the water.

You’ll never become a strong swimmer that way.

And society only perpetuates superficial personalities and goals. We become entrained to it, and lose ourselves along the way - without even realizing it.

It robs us of our ability to contribute to society as a mature person. A person who contributes in a thoughtful way.

It's tough to ask ourselves if we are really ready to change, and then commit to the actions that will make it happen - even if it feels chaotic or messy.

Candidly yours,

Amunet

P.S. If you’re ready for change now, consider learning more about hypnosis and the Real Manifesting™ 90 day program. Click here to watch the masterclass.

When do you invest in yourself, and how much do you spend?

Investing in yourself can feel scary. As a highly sensitive woman, it's likely that you've given a LOT to others.

You'll spend your attention, time, and money (ATM) on other people or causes, but when it comes time to investing in your personal, professional, or spiritual development you contract or shut down altogether.

It's not that you haven't invested in yourself, but it's up to a point.

It's like there's two people inside of you. The one that wants to break free from limitations and actually live the life you've been dreaming about, and the one that's in perpetual status quo hell.

Status quo hell doesn't necessarily feel terrible. But when you're a driven woman that has big aspirations, it starts to wear you down.

The clock ticks and you start to become anxious or depressed. You look at your life and wonder why you feel the way you do. You've got it made, and you've achieved so much already.

But it doesn't satisfy you. And you suffer in a really strange way. It's kind of like life is happening to you, instead of YOU taking the lead in the way you've always dreamed about.

And you abandon your deepest desires and everything stays about the same.

So how do you get out of the cycle of status quo hell?

This will be different for each person.

Over the years I've invested well over $100,000.00 into my personal, spiritual, and professional development to get out of status quo hell, in different ways.

And each of them has had different benefits for me. I've hired coaches, taken trainings, or taken trips.

So where do you start and when?

If you feel so stagnant that you can't see a way out of your current situation, you may need to change your environment for a bit, and take a trip somewhere.

Taking purposeful time away from "life as usual" can help reset your brain so you can make more empowered decisions, and see things in a new way. The clarity that comes from this can be priceless.

Just be careful that you don't use your adventures to disassociate from your problems. If you're a perpetual trip taker, be mindful of this.

Otherwise it's time to make some significant changes.

You can do this independently without investing a dime. You can identify exactly what you want to achieve, and do the inner work that will get you there.

Of course, there's no amount of planning that will matter without the actionable steps behind your goals that will make it all real.

If you go the solo route, an accountability buddy is really helpful.

The next way to make significant changes is with support. You can hire a mentor or take trainings to help you shortcut the time it takes to reach your goals.

And in this case you can invest a little or a lot. Sometimes I've invested a smaller amount of money and had gotten a lot of benefit, sometimes not.

But it wasn't until I plunked down a wad of cash that things started to really accelerate for me. And that's because my money activated my desires, a real sense of urgency, and genuine commitment.

And of course the support was vital for me because I no longer felt so isolated when achieving my lofty goals.

How much is the right amount to spend?

This is unique to you. What is the magic number that will activate your desires, a real sense of urgency, and genuine commitment for you?

That might be $500.00, or it might be $60,000.00.

Whatever that number is for you, it should feel like it's stretching you. It should give you pause. And when it does, you'll know that you've hit the mark.

Is now the right time to fulfill your deepest desires?

I'll leave you with this. Don't abandon yourself. Don't abandon your dreams.

Candidly yours,

Amunet :)