I often hear of people saying that they have met their soulmate.
They fall very quickly for this special someone, and a whirlwind of adoration and love soon follows.
But is it really love?
What if it was dysfunction in disguise?
What if what draws two people together so quickly and so powerfully was unhealed patterns, dysfunction, trauma, and old emotional resonance of not feeling worthy or lovable?
Can some people find their perfect soulmate partners?
But what I've observed, that's far more common, is that two people's unreconciled baggage bonds them together, at least for a time.
It can be a very natural coping mechanism to distract ourselves from our unhelpful patterns and our emotional pain, by connecting with a soulmate.
We may not even have a conscious awareness of our unhelpful patterns or emotions.
I remember someone telling me years ago, that if you have an instant strong soulmate attraction towards someone to run like the wind, because it likely represents dysfunction in disguise.
I have found that to be mostly true.
When I first met my husband there definitely wasn't an instant attraction, in fact I was mostly annoyed with him and wanted him to leave me alone.
He was persistent and was a really nice person so we eventually started a relationship.
Although we formed it too quickly due to my old patterns, I was still given time to come to know and respect him as a person, and vice-versa.
I was used to "soulmate" types of relationships, so I initially found my relationship with my husband to be quite boring.
There was no overt love in the air, and I wasn't dealing with my "normal" drama that I had been used to experiencing in past relationships.
We began our journey together in partnership, and boy was he in for a surprise, because unbeknownst to him, I arrived with truckloads of baggage to work through, which in turn affected him and our marriage.
30 years later and we are each our own soulmate, through hard work, compromise, and perseverance, and we share our independent lives together.
I've worked with so many people, helping them with their relationships, and I've been witness to the "soulmate" pattern in action, and I've been witness to the aftermath as well.
Being strongly attracted to someone is almost like an addiction, and it can alert you that there may be inner work to be done.
I have seen my fair share of dysfunction in the past. In fact, I used to be the queen of dysfunction due to the past sexual abuse I experienced, my past feelings of unworthiness, and I had a core unconscious belief that I wasn't lovable.
I would quickly bond with men in relationships due to unhealed emotional resonance and false core beliefs about myself.
I want you to know that you can become your own soulmate - in fact it’s necessary for your own personal and spiritual growth.
Did you know that there is an inherent problem with the notion of a soulmate?
When you assign your partner the label of soulmate, you set up an unrealistic expectation within the relationship.
When real life happens, or your soulmate begins to exhibit flaws, as all humans do, the unrealistic expectation of romance and a shared life path become challenged, and typically, very soon afterwards, the relationship begins to crumble.
When you become your own soulmate, you step into your own strength.
You begin a healthy relationship with yourself, which in turn allows you to be in a healthy relationship with someone else.
Everyone wants to be loved, and no one wants to be lonely. Start by working on the relationship with yourself, and the rest will fall in line.
So, the next time you feel that crazy strong pull towards someone, take a step back and see what emotions are underneath those initial feelings.
Have you been feeling lonely, sad, or anxious? Have you been doubting your ability to be loved? What is your relationship like with yourself?
Do you need to be needed? Do you need to be validated by someone else in order to feel worthy or lovable?
And what of the spiritual nature of a soulmate? Is it true that we can pair with a soulmate from a spiritual point of view?
This is a slippery slope.
In my practice, I've done more hypnotic past life regressions than I can count. My clients would experience many lifetimes where they would come together again with partners that were from times past.
That doesn't necessarily mean they should pair in this lifetime, and in some ways, it can act as spiritual bypass, because we are meant to focus on the life we are in at this time.
In the same way that the strong pull towards a soulmate can act as a distraction to unhealed, unhelpful patterns or emotions, focusing on past life connections does the same thing.
Remember, you can be your own soulmate.
To your aspirations and dreams,
Let me know in the comments how you feel about the idea of soul mates, and if you’ve ever felt like you found yours.